The Reconciliation of Avraham's Family: A Lesson For Generations

At the end of Avraham's life, after Sara had passed away, we are told that he took another wife whose name was Keturah, with whom he had an additional six children. The Torah does not tell us anything about Keturah other than her name. Rashi, however, identifies her as Hagar, the mother of Yishmael. Rashi writes (25:1),

קטורה - זו הגר, ונקראת קטורה על שם שנאים מעשיה כקטרת ושקשרה פתחה שלא נזדווגה לאדם מיום שפרשה מאברהם
This is Hagar. She was called Keturah because her deeds were as beautiful as incense (קטורת), and because she tied (קטרה, the Aramaic for“tied”) her opening, for she was not intimate with any man from the day she separated from Abraham.

According to Rashi, Hagar had reformed. She was no longer a rebellious maid who challenged her mistress' authority; her deeds were as fragrant as incense and she had not been with another man since she was sent away from Avraham, perhaps because she anticipated the day when she would reunite with him.
Rashi earlier on in the parsha points out that this reunion was made possible by none other than Yitzchak. When Eliezer returned home with Rivkah we are told that Yitzchak had just returned from a trip to Be'er Lechai Roi. Previously, Be'er Lechai Roi was identified as the place where Hagar had an encounter with angel who promised her that she too, like Sara, would have a son whose descendants would be numerous (16:13-14). Rashi, wondering what Yitzchak was doing in Be'er Lechai Roi writes (24:62),

מבוא באר לחי ראי - שהלך להביא הגר לאברהם אביו שישאנה
Coming from Be’er Lachai Roi: where he had gone to bring Hagar to Abraham his father, that he should marry her

Not only did Avraham and Hagar reunite because of Yitzchak's urging, Yishmael and Yitzchak also were able to smooth things over. When Avraham passes away at the end of the parsha we are told that Yitzchak and Yishmael buried him in Me'arat Ha'machpeila (25:9). Where did Yishmael come from? We have not heard from him since he was kicked out of his father's house. And why would he want to have anything to do with the father who rejected him?
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, with the help of a Midrash from the Pirkei D'Rabi Eliezer, offers a beautiful explanation. He writes, (Covenant and Conversation, Parshat Chaye Sara 5769, for the full text of article click here),

Not only did Isaac feel guilty about the banishment of Hagar and Ishmael. So did Abraham, according to this interpretation. We know that Abraham did not want to send Ishmael away. The text (Gen. 21: 11) is explicit on this point. But Sarah was insistent, and God told Abraham to listen to her. Throughout the lifetime of Sarah, reconciliation was impossible. After her lifetime, however, Abraham sought her out and brought her back. Hagar did not end her days as an outcast. She returned, in honour, as Abraham's wife. That is why, at Abraham's funeral (he died thirty-eight years after Sarah), Isaac and Ishmael were both present. The divided family was reunited.
There is an extraordinary midrash (Pirkei deRabbi Eliezer, 30) which tells the story of how Ishmael was twice visited by Abraham. On both occasions, Ishmael was not at home. On the first, his wife, not knowing Abraham's identity, refused the stranger bread and water. Ishmael divorced her and married a woman named Fatimah. This time, when Abraham visited, again not disclosing his identity, the woman gave him food and drink. The midrash then says "Abraham stood and prayed before the Holy One, blessed be He, and Ishmael's house became filled with all good things. When Ishmael returned, his wife told him about it, and Ishmael knew that his father still loved him."
There is a story here of immense consequence for our time. Jews and Muslims both trace their descent from Abraham - Jews though Isaac, Muslims through Ishmael. Fatimah is an important figure in Islam. She is the daughter of the prophet.
Beneath the surface of the narrative in Chayei Sarah, the sages read the clues and pieced together a moving story of reconciliation between Abraham and Isaac on the one hand, Hagar and Ishmael on the other. Yes, there was conflict and separation; but that was the beginning, not the end. Between Judaism and Islam there can be friendship and mutual respect. Abraham loved both his sons, and was laid to rest by both. There is hope for the future in this story of the past.

Archeological Findings and Sarah's Treatment of Hagar

After years of suffering without a child, Sarah told Avraham to marry their Egyptian maidservant Hagar. Sarah felt that the blessings that Hashem had promised to give to Avraham's offspring could not possibly be fulfilled through her because of her old age and she told Avraham to fulfill his destiny through Hagar. Shortly after marrying Avraham, Hagar conceived a child (Breishit 16:4)

ויבא אל הגר ותהר ותרא כי הרתה ותקל גברתה בעיניה
He consorted with Hagar and she conceived; and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was lowered in her esteem.

Sarah had hoped that Hagar and Avraham would have a child together, but she did not anticipate that this would lead Hagar to belittle her. Rashi comments,

אמרה שרי זו אין סתרה כגלויה, מראה עצמה כאלו היא צדקת ואינה צדקת, שלא זכתה להריון כל השנים הללו, ואני נתעברתי מביאה ראשונה
She said, 'This Sarai her conduct in secret is not like her conduct in public. She shows herself as if she is a righteous woman, but she is not a righteous woman, for she did not merit to conceive all these years, whereas I have conceived from the first union.'

Sarah complained to Avraham about Hagar's negative attitude and he told her that she was free to do with her whatever she saw fit. The Torah tells us (16:6)

ותעניה שרי ותברח מפניה
And Sarai dealt harshly with her, so she fled from her.

What exactly did Sarah do to Hagar that caused her to runaway? Rashi writes that she enslaved her harshly. Radak, however, goes into greater detail. He writes,

ומה שעשתה שרי לא היה טוב בעיני הא-ל, כמו שאמר המלאך אל הגר: “כי שמע ה’ אל עניך” והשיב לה ברכה תחת ענויה.
And what Sarai did was not proper in the eyes of God, as the angel said to Hagar: 'for Hashem has heard your suffering' and he gave her a blessing because she had suffered.

Radak claims that Sarah sinned by treating Hagar harshly. He goes on to describe exactly what Sarah did to Hagar,

עשתה עמה יותר מדאי, ועבדה בה בפרך. ואפשר שהייתה מכה אותה ומקללת אותה, ולא הייתה יכולה לסבול וברחה מפניה... אף על פי שאברהם מחל לה על כבודו...היה ראוי לה למשוך את ידה לכבודו ולא לענותה... אין ראוי לאדם לעשות כל יכולתו במה שתחת ידו
She did too much to her and she enslaved her with hard labor. And it is possible that she beat her and cursed her, and she could not withstand it so she fled...even though Avraham gave up his honor...it would have been appropriate for her to hold back for his honor and not afflict her...It is not appropriate for a person to do all that is within their power to a subordinate.

Radak is not alone in his criticism of Sarah. The Ramban criticizes both Avraham and Sarah when he writes,

חטאה אמנו בעינוי הזה, וגם אברהם בהניחו לעשות כן
Our mother committed a great sin with her harsh treatment and Avraham also sinned by allowing her to do this

Rabbi Elchanan Samet (Iyunim L'Parashot HaShavua Vol 1 pp. 33) writes that there is evidence, found in archeological digs that might defend Sarah from her critics. He quotes a Hebrew translation of Hammurabi's Code, the system of laws developed by King Hammurabi who lived during the same time period as Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov. Hammurabi's code records the following law,

כי ייקח אישה כוהנת, והיא תיתן לאישה אמה, אם תלד בנים ואחרי כן תשווה עצמה לגברתה, גברתה לא תיתן אותה בכסף, מפני שילדה בנים. היא תשים עליה אות ותמנה אותה בין האמהות. אם לא תלד בנים, תיתן אותה בכסף
When a man marries a woman who is barren and she gives her husband a maidservant, if the maidservant has children and then puts herself on the same level as her mistress, her mistress may not sell her, for she has had children. She shall place a symbol on her and enumerate her amongst the maidservants. If she does not have children she may be sold.

In the time and place of Avraham it was common practice for a barren woman to give over her maidservant to her husband in order for them to have children. However, the maidservant remained a maidservant; she was not on equal footing with her mistress. Hagar viewed herself as being superior to Sarah because she conceived the first time she was with Avraham and she began to act like she was the head of the household. Sarah complained to Avraham and he told her that she was free to do what she wished, because Hagar had acted inappropriately - what she did was against the law. Hammurabi's code called for the mistress to "place a symbol on her", to do something to let the maidservant know her place in the household hierarchy. Accordingly, Sarah and Avraham did not sin when they afflicted her, it was Hagar who sinned by viewing herself as an equal.
Given this archeological evidence, one could argue that Radak and Ramban would take back what they said about Sarah's behavior. On the other hand, perhaps they would stand their ground; such behavior may have been permissible according to the letter of the law, according to Hammurabi's code, but perhaps Avraham and Sarah were expected to not simply abide by the letter of the law, but rather to go beyond it.